How should you treat someone who hurts you?

We just want God to smash the ones who hurt us with a hammer. And if He won’t do it, maybe we have to. Can we really afford to wait for God to make things right?

Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning. I say this because many deceivers have gone out into the world. They deny that Jesus Christ came in a real body. Such a person is a deceiver and an antichrist. Watch out that you do not lose what we have worked so hard to achieve. Be diligent so that you receive your full reward. (2 John 1:6-8)

Bullying comes in all shapes, sizes, age groups, and cultures.

Generally we associate bullies in schools, and that’s certainly where many of them lurk. But everyone has bullies. Everyone faces cruelty and meanness in every corner of life. They may not always be after your lunch money, but they all want the same thing: To ease their own pain by causing you pain.

Hurting people hurt people. You’ve heard that before, haven’t you? Every bully I have known is in some kind of pain, and they lash out at the people around them because their hearts are in agony. In pretty much every instance, if you’re being mistreated by someone (especially if you haven’t don’t anything to hurt them), they are acting out because someone else hurt them first.

That’s not an excuse. Bullying never has an excuse. It’s a reasonable explanation for why they are behaving that way. But let’s be straightforward about this: Experiencing pain in your life is never a good enough reason to cause someone else pain. Ever.

We all face hurt and pain. We all deal with disappointment and discouragement and loss and grief and sorrow. It’s a part of life. None of us make it out of this life unscathed. All of us suffer in our own way. And there is something inside us that makes us want other people to suffer too. We want to hurt people the same way they hurt us because in our scarred, broken hearts we believe that we are justified.

But suffering doesn’t justify cruelty. Grief doesn’t justify abandonment. Pain doesn’t justify aggression. Maybe it makes it understandable, but just because we can understand and empathize doesn’t make it right.

We long for justice. We yearn for retribution. There’s a place down deep inside each of us where we are desperate to see the world made right again, and for those who have experienced suffering and unfairness, it’s even louder. All we want is for God to just come along and smash the ones who hurt us with a hammer. And if He won’t do it, well, maybe we have to. Can we really afford to wait for God to make things right?

But that is not what God has asked of us. That is not how He commanded us to live.

That doesn’t mean we don’t observe the law of whatever country we’re in. That doesn’t mean we excuse those who break the law. But in our relationships, in our families, in our offices, in our schools, in our churches—how do we treat the ones who insist on tearing us down?

God’s way is simple. Not easy.

Love them.

That will look different for every person. It will vary from relationship to relationship. But whatever it looks like for you, make that choice out of a heart of love and forgiveness. Maybe you need to keep your distance. Maybe you need to be anonymous. Fine. Do what you have to do. Just do it in love.

Don’t make the mistake of believing anyone who says we deserve to hurt the ones who hurt us. Don’t give in to that yearning to grab justice for yourself according to your own standards. That’s not real justice, and it will do more harm than good.

Jesus has given us the power to respond to hate and anger and hurt with peace and kindness and love. We should have boundaries, yes, but our motivation will inform how we enforce those boundaries.

God’s expectations haven’t changed. The way we live shouldn’t change either.

Questions for Reflection

• How is it possible to uphold the law and still be kind to people who break it?

• Why is it important to understand a person’s motivation before we respond to them?

• Where do you think the longing for justice comes from?

Weekly Memory Verse