Friends choose to show kindness

Friendship always carries an element of risk with it, because no person you meet in this life is going to be completely selfless.

There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24)

Having a close friend means making yourself vulnerable to an imperfect person. It means trusting your heart to someone who may not always handle it with care. Friendship always carries an element of risk with it, because no person you meet in this life is going to be completely selfless.

Newsflash: You’re not even selfless.

For all our talk and conversation about how to be a good friend and how to know when it’s time to walk away from a friendship, there is a constant we need to remember in every relationship: Grace.

We need to extend grace to each other. We need to be patient with each other. We need to try to put ourselves in each other’s shoes and think about life from someone else’s perspective. But that’s hard to do in the heat of the moment. And those heated moments will sneak up on you.

When you open yourself up in friendship to another person, you’re basically showing them all your broken pieces. You’re giving them free access to all your buttons and pretty much handing over the instruction manual on which ones to push.

Nobody can hurt each other as deeply as friends can hurt each other.

Part of me wonders if that added to Jesus’ sorrow when all His friends abandoned Him at His arrest and crucifixion.

If you are in a friend relationship with someone, know that there will come a day when you’re exhausted and worn out and weary, and your friend is going to say something or do something that irritates you.

They will. Unscrew that halo.

In that moment, you will have a choice. You can either lash out in anger and frustration, or you can choose to hold your tongue. You can reply with an acknowledgment of understanding or love. You don’t need to correct them. You don’t need to lecture them. Just acknowledge that you hear them, that you see them, that you love them, and let it be.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a destructive choice from a “friend” more than once in my life. I think I’m still recovering in some instances because the hurt ran deep.

Was I a perfect friend? No. Could I have been a better friend? Of course. But was it right for the other person who said they were my friend to tear me down? To rip me apart? To falsely accuse me?

If there’s someone in your life who persists in discouraging you, who points out all your flaws, who only seems to be able to tear you down when they’re around you, may I gently suggest you reconsider that relationship? Friends don’t destroy each other. Not real friends anyway.

And if you’re the person who is trying to change your friends “for their own good,” may I gently suggest that you take a good long look at yourself in the mirror? I’d wager there’s a log in one of your eyes that might be obscuring your vision.

A friend doesn’t criticize, discourage, or tear down another person they say they love. A true friend chooses to encourage, to bless, and to support others.

Which one will you be today?

Questions for Reflection

• Why do you think some people are drawn to toxic friendships?

• Why is it so hard to leave a toxic relationship once you’re in one?

• Even if you’re exhausted and your friend is pushing all your buttons, how is one way you can respond to them in love?

Weekly Memory Verse

---

Join my author community by signing up for my regular emails. I send out fun stories and updates about my books, along with the occasional freebie!