A person is more than the tent where they live

How can you identify a soul mate if you don’t know their soul? If all you’re looking at is the outside, you don’t actually know the real person. You just know the tent.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

My family went on a camping trip many moons ago.

If I remember correctly, it was down in Palo Duro Canyon in Texas. It’s a beautiful area, but while we were there, a giant windstorm started blowing in.

We had brought a tent, but my mom and I decided to sleep in the car, concerned about the damage the wind could do. My dad and brother stayed in the tent.

It went about as well as you might expect. The storm blew in. The tent collapsed, part of it blowing away completely. But it was just a tent. There wasn’t much hope it could stand up against a major windstorm. I’m sure some tents are sturdy enough, but in the grand scheme of things, a tent probably isn’t a great place to spend the night when a big storm is looming. You need something more permanent.

The Bible talks about tents quite a bit, mostly because at the start the people of Israel were itinerant. They didn’t have a home. They wandered the desert until God brought Abraham to a piece of land and gave it to him and his descendants as their permanent possession. But tents also have a symbolic meaning in Scripture (2 Corinthians 5:1-8), talking about our bodies. Because, like a tent, our bodies weren’t designed to last forever. This isn’t our forever home.

But what does that concept have to do with the key verse for today’s conversation?

Verses like the one we’re looking at today are usually associated with marriage topics, and that’s as it should be. But it’s important to know that this verse applies to both men and women, and that I think it can apply to marriage or friendship. I think this verse is a general principle of life, and we would all be better off if we applied it.

What’s on the outside eventually will fade away because it’s temporary. What’s on the inside is what matters most because it’s permanent.

Yes, it’s cliche. Yes, it’s predictable. Yes, it’s the theme of practically every Hallmark story ever written. But sometimes there’s a reason why some ideas are so commonplace. Some truths are so foundational, they shape every element of our lives, and this is one of them.

It’s not wrong to pay attention to outside details, of course. What’s on the outside often does represent who a person is on the inside in some way. But if your sole judgment about a person is based on their personality or their fashion sense or their physical attractiveness, you’re in for a surprise when all of that eventually changes. Because it will all eventually change in some way. Personalities adapt and adjust. Fashion fades. Physical beauty vanishes. And pretty soon the person who you thought was your soul mate has turned into someone you don’t know anymore.

But how can you identify a soul mate if you don’t know their soul? If all you’re looking at is the outside, you don’t actually know the real person. You just know the tent.

It takes longer. It takes time and conversation and observation. It takes patience. Because how can you know if someone “fears the Lord” or not?

You watch them. No, it’s not creepy. You watch them. You listen to them. Ask them why they are choosing a certain course. Seek to understand the motivation that’s driving them.

It won’t take you very long to identify how important Jesus is to them if you’re paying attention. He will be at the center of every choice they make. Pleasing Him will be the goal. Glorifying Him will be their purpose. Worshiping Him will be their response.

If it’s not, it doesn’t matter how charming, how beautiful/handsome, how smart they are. That’s just their tent. All of that will eventually fade away.

So pay attention. Get to know their soul. Then you can decide whether or not that person is the one you want to spend your life with. That’s the part of them that won’t ever change.

For Deeper Study

• Read 1 Samuel 16:1-13. What is happening in this passage? What reason did God give for rejecting the eldest son of Jesse? How does the way God see us change how we should see each other?

• Read 2 Corinthians 4:18. What is the reality-shaping paradox stated in this verse? How can something we can’t see be more real that what we can see?

• Read Jeremiah 17:9-10. Do you believe this is a fair assessment of the human heart? Why or why not? Why does it matter that God sees our secret motives?

For Reflection

• How can you tell whether or not you are paying too much attention to our outward appearance?

• How is one way you can get to know someone for who they really are rather than how they present themselves?

• If God truly knows our hearts, why do you think we keep trying to hide things from Him?

Weekly Memory Verse